When do you think is the best time to be with someone? Is it during their grief or while celebrating an achievement? Let’s assume that celebrating happiness is extremely simple and easy because whether you are part of it or not, contentment is already there, and there is no pain or sorrow. Therefore, most of us find ourselves tongue-tied in situations where someone needs comfort. So how to comfort someone? Is there a proper solution for it for any method to bring a smile on someone’s face.
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“Your now is not your forever.”
Reassurance and comfort are things that everyone looks for when they face challenges or fall. People often find failure as a teacher; however, acceptance of disappointment adds up to the sadness. Nonetheless, if you are in a situation to be someone’s shoulder to cry on, you need to be brave and offer them support and confidence, so they don’t fall into the vicious circle of depression. It rises the question of how to comfort someone?
How to comfort someone?
1. Listening
Listening is the topmost factor in life skills. In general, most of the problems occur because of poor listening. There are many types of listeners, for example, selective, active, and passive listeners; however, in such a situation, when someone is going through a very bad phase, you cannot choose to be passive, active, or selective. All you need to be is attentive. The root cause of depression or psychological disorder is lack of attention. Because today in the fast-paced world where technology is ruling lives and people do not have time for each other. So be there and listen to what they are going through. It is the primary goal in progressing through the ‘how to comfort someone steps.’ You can choose your words by saying, ‘I am here to listen to you,’ ‘don’t worry, I am not here to judge you,’ or ‘go on, I understand your feelings.’
2. Say, ‘you are not wrong.’
Firstly, anybody who is depressed would only stage themselves at the center that’s human behavior. However, it is important to ensure that you are not ushering in wrong behavior. For example, suppose someone has made a mistake and feels depressed and sad in such a situation out of guilt. In that case, you cannot say you are right to comfort them. So to comfort them but still leave room to counsel them later when they get better, you could say ‘you are not wrong.’ Because this sentence will not uprightly say that just because you are depressed, you are right. You can console them by saying some past experiences they can relate to you to feel that their feelings are sensible.
3. Avoid ‘why’ instead use ‘how or what.’
Since you are unaware of the situation people would get into trouble as they don’t know how to comfort someone without complete understanding of the scenario. It is also very important because you can only give suggestions or counsel or calm the person down if you draw all the information. It is very soothing when people want to know what you feel when you are depressed, so empathize with them and ask them questions that will elicit more answers. For example, you can ask them, ‘how do you feel about it?’ Don’t use questions like ‘what did you do? or why did you do it?’ Because that will shut the person completely down, and you will not understand what is the matter exactly.
4. Stay away from toxic positivity.
There is something called toxic positivity which ruins the learning of how to comfort someone. It has blurted up in a very massive way since the pandemic. Toxic positivity is a situation where you find someone who is depressed. Still, instead of consoling them or listening to their problem, you immediately jump into conclusive statements and utter words like ‘cheer up,’ ‘move on,’ ‘its ok doesn’t matter,’ ‘don’t hold onto the past,’ all these things will shut the person down. However, these words sound very positive. It is toxic positivity because that is not required at that moment. It also means that you judge the person’s capability to analyze the situation. For example, if you say ‘it’s ok doesn’t matter.’ It makes the person immediately keep quiet, and they feel that their thoughts are so worthless. Doing so will also make the situation more trivial therefore don’t brush off their feelings.
5. Offer a hug if it is appropriate.
So how to comfort someone if you are consoling a very close one, you can definitely ask them to hug it out, and it is extremely beneficial to help the person who is depressed. Otherwise, if you are not very close to the person, you can ask if they need a hug. Because it is a scientifically proven method that shows affection, respect, and a shoulder to cry on gives immense strength.
6. Affirmation is the deal.
Here, affirming the person is very important. It makes them understand that you are there for them at the moment, and reaffirming your commitment to stay with them will help elicit emotional or sadness quickly.
7. Don’t get distracted.
how to comfort someone is a process, and it will take a lot of time to make someone open up about their feelings. Especially if it is very sensitive, you would take hours and sometimes days to comfort someone. However, when you are present at the moment with the person, make sure that you are not getting distracted by social media, phones, work, calls, text messages, or anything that will ruin the entire process of comfort. In fact, you will have to restart the whole discussion, which will not help anyone.
8. Stay in touch with them.
Best way to know how to comfort someone is once you have dealt with the situation and have also successfully brought a smile to the person’s face, don’t think that it is all done and the person is going to be perfectly alright. It would be best if you stayed in touch with them, offered to meet, talked to them, and lightened up the mood at a steady pace. Don’t be in a hurry to cheer them up. Give them space and let them feel that you are always around by staying in touch. Also, remember to provide them with space.
Final thoughts on how to comfort someone
Today, many cases prevail for depression. It is spread in all ages, from kids to teenagers, adults, and older people. Everybody is suffering from some or the other pain inside. However, dealing with your loved ones is very critical. If a person is not comforted at the right time, it leads to many dangerous stages like depression, suicidal tendencies, psychological disorders, or mental illness. It happens because people bottle up their feelings, which becomes severe as time passes. Therefore, whether it is a small tiff or a big issue, offer mental support and emotional commitment to people who need it at the right moment.
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